If I had an easy answer, do you think I'd write an entire blog post about it? I don't believe guidelines or rules regarding firm or harsh physical contact, which I'll refer to as hitting, can be summed up so easily. Also, I don't appreciate the ambiguity of the statement "Boy's can't hit girls." Can boys hit boys? Can girls hit girls and boys? Let's analyze when person A is generally justified in hitting, or "can hit," person B.
My standpoint is that person A can hit person B under the following circumstances:
-When person B intends to do harm to person A or a third party.
-When the hitting is done in jest, without causing harm, person B is appreciative of the levity of the situation and has no sincere objection to being hit in such a manner.
You'll notice that I take a more situational approach to the matter, and I have not mentioned gender, nor even specified any physical characteristics or personality traits of person A or person B in these general guidelines. While there are other specific situations in which I would concede that A can hit B, working through these scenarios will get my point across.
Regarding prevention of harm, I believe use of violence by A, equal to or slightly greater than that used or intended to be used by B, is justifiable. This being said, I think talking B down from the situation is preferable to violence, since no one gets harmed. I do not, however, believe a person should be given free reign to cause harm to others and indeed should be stopped through physical force if verbal communication is insufficient.
Regarding horseplay, this should be done between friends or people who understand either through societal norms or, better yet, through open communication that no harm is intended and the goal is camaraderie.
Now to address the role of gender. Regardless of whether you hold to traditional values, I think you can agree that traditionally, males and females are expected to play different roles in society and interpersonal relationships. This is the very root of the idea that boys can't hit girls. With the expactation that males are stronger, chivalrous, larger, and protective of the more delicate, weaker, smaller, more demure females, it flies in the face of traditional values for a male to hit a female. This traditional viewpoint fails to address the fact that some females are stronger, larger, more confident, and more aggressive than some males, and some males are the weaker, smaller, more insecure, more demure ones.
If a male or female is running amok causing harm to other people, he or she should be stopped, and at times hitting him or her is the most reasonable and expedient course of action. Regarding horseplay, if a male hits a female who adheres to the traditional view that she should defer to males, then she will almost definitely feel a sense of violation of personal rights or abuse. She would feel he had shirked his roles and furthermore that she has no recourse in the situation and would therefore most certainly not appreciate being hit. Thus, in this situation, A cannot hit B. Extrapolating on this theme, we can look at any situation in which A is more dominant, whether physically or in personality, and B feels unable to speak up if uncomfortable with being hit. (As a side note, this is the central issue of bullying.) In this case, the logical conclusion would be that A cannot hit B. Notice that A and B can be either male or female.
It comes down to whether A is being considerate of B and mindful of the overall situation. If I were to make a list of inappropriate situations for A to hit B, it would be something along the lines of:
-A is merely angry
-B will not cooperate with A
-A is not taking B's feelings into consideration in a horseplay situation
-When the intent is to prevent B from harming someone and A could reasonably talk through the situation with B
-etc.
Dogmatically saying "Boys can't hit girls" is as illogical as saying "34-year-olds can't hit 37-year-olds." Further, when people make that statement, they are either attempting to cast shame or, as a female, trying to hit males with impunity. It's really irritating when someone says "Boys can't hit girls." Maybe I'll add that to my list of reasons to hit someone...
Scott
